Topics: what in this person's chart makes her a cheater?

Today’s Chump Lady rant goes out to “Tim,” a therapist who  left a thoughtful review of my book on Amazon the other day.  He gave it 4 stars (out of 5), which was very kind of him. So it’s probably churlish of me to put his review through the Universal Bullshit Translator, but my blogging fingers got itchy when I read his criticism that I “leave no room for grace.”

Tim, how can I put this gently? I don’t write for nice, mild-mannered marriage counselors. I don’t write for cheaters. I write for chumps.

The whole idea that a chump should “leave room for grace” for cheaters is not the mission of this site or my book. The tagline is  “Leave a cheater, gain a life.” I’m selling exactly what I’m advertising. I don’t review Amazon cookbooks on Texas barbecue and inquire why there aren’t more vegan recipes. Similarly, I wouldn’t come to a book, which brazenly encourages readers to leave cheaters, and wonder why it doesn’t discuss happily reconciled relationships. Or ponder the likelihood of their existence.

Forget witty one-liners or platinum abs if there’s one thing that marks you out in a sea of copy and paste profiles today, it’s chivalry.  And chivalry is more than manners. It’s about honoring other human beings as the way to love that kind that transcends the monotony of work, the gym, boozed up weekends with friends we can’t always count on.

Sounds outmoded and old-fashioned? Believe me, chivalry is the answer to our modern dating woes. Why? Because ever since we got our digits on dating apps, we’ve gradually forgotten how to treat other online members as people with feelings and portals to a higher sense of being.

Chivalry today might have a bad rep. But that’s because we equate it with a patronising idyll of men holding women’s doors, drinks and conversations for them. In fact, it’s a centuries-old code of conduct established by medieval knights that honored women in the name of the Divine, and saw men upholding the highest standard of manners in order to become better humans with a great success rate in delivering lasting amour.

If you're thinking about dating before your divorce is final – DON'T! You may think that you're free to start a new relationship once the decision is made to separate or divorce, but it is wise to hold off on the dating scene until after your divorce is finalized for a number of strategic legal and emotional reasons.

Emotions are raw during a divorce. When you start seeing someone else, it is like rubbing salt into your husband's wounds. Believe me, he will likely react to the fact that you are dating by making your life hell during the divorce process. He may seek revenge to compensate for the anger, hurt, and embarrassment that he feels you have caused him.

Even if your husband has carried on numerous affairs during your marriage, he will not think that you are justified in seeing someone new at this time. All he will focus on is that he has been wronged and will want to seek justice anyway he can. He may try to even the score by fighting about custody of the children or how to split the marital estate.

It is said that mankind only came into its own when it was able to recognize itself and others as actual people. Since then, however, we’ve done a pretty crappy job. Calling people names seems to be a practice as old as humanity itself.

However, lately a particularly nasty undercurrent of name-calling seems to be pervading society as a whole. Two weeks ago, Sandra Fluke, a Georgetown law student, got called a “slut” by Rush Limbaugh for three days straight on the radio, which has prompted a nation-wide argument on calling people names. And there seems to be an increasingly disturbing trend in which people think it is perfectly all right to do it, no matter how disgusting the term, because everybody does it, right?

Fact: Calling someone a “bitch” is unacceptable. Calling someone an “asshole” is unacceptable. Calling someone a “retard” is unacceptable. Calling someone a “slut” is unacceptable. (And don’t get me started on religious, sexual and/or ethnic slurs.) If people want to be a part of civilized society, under no circumstances should they use these words (or any other, or any variation thereof, really) to describe other people. Period.

Here’s Why Europeans Are Better At Dating (And Why You Should Pay Attention)

You are welcome name and shame cheaters website dating

Today’s Chump Lady rant goes out to “Tim,” a therapist who  left a thoughtful review of my book on Amazon the other day.  He gave it 4 stars (out of 5), which was very kind of him. So it’s probably churlish of me to put his review through the Universal Bullshit Translator, but my blogging fingers got itchy when I read his criticism that I “leave no room for grace.”

Tim, how can I put this gently? I don’t write for nice, mild-mannered marriage counselors. I don’t write for cheaters. I write for chumps.

The whole idea that a chump should “leave room for grace” for cheaters is not the mission of this site or my book. The tagline is  “Leave a cheater, gain a life.” I’m selling exactly what I’m advertising. I don’t review Amazon cookbooks on Texas barbecue and inquire why there aren’t more vegan recipes. Similarly, I wouldn’t come to a book, which brazenly encourages readers to leave cheaters, and wonder why it doesn’t discuss happily reconciled relationships. Or ponder the likelihood of their existence.

Tattletale websites promise to tell you just what your mate has been up to behind your back. Take these sites with a grain of salt, while keeping in mind there’s no hell like a woman scorned who also has access to the internet.

Here are five websites you can use to check out your man and find out if you have a cheating spouse (or boyfriend). A word of warning: You should always do your homework before confronting your boo with “facts” that you’ve found online.

See what your kids wife husband girlfriend boyfriend are doing on Facebook.
Install FB Stalker and reveal their actions.
Now on App Store & google play

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